In the April issue of NWA World Traveler Magazine, the one they put on every NWA flight, Joe Mauer is the cover story, and I have to admit I was thrilled when I saw the finished product today when some issues arrived at my house. NWA does a great job with the magazine and did a fantastic job with art/layout of the story. I have linked from this blog to the magazine web site so you can see it, assuming they have posted the April content already. Let me know what you think – one thing for sure, I know Mauer fans will like it. For me as a writer and baseball fan/novelist, you can’t ask for a better assignment than this one. I am blessed!

Sidney Ponson’s Mullet cut down the powerful Baltimore Orioles today, weaving its way through six scoreless innings while striking out three, walking none and allowing only five hits.

“I know hockey hair is big in some parts of Minnesota still,” Mullet told reporters afterward. “It might not be 1989 anymore, but that doesn’t meant big hair has to go the way of MC Hammer pants, Vanilla Ice and Vuarnet t-shirts.”

Asked if he enjoyed sticking it to his old employer, Mullet didn’t hesitate.

“Of course I did!” he shrieked, his curls bouncing with emotion. “Do you remember the ridiculously short haircut Sidney had when we were on that loathsome squad? Sid might have won 17 games in 2003 with Baltimore, but the barbers there were barbaric. Things back in those days were rather hairy, to say the least.”

So far, Mullet seems to be well-respected in the Minnesota clubhouse.

“Hey, when somebody goes out and throws that way, he can wear a Beehive for all I care,” said Joe Mauer’s Sideburns. “Mullet’s performance out there speaks for itself. When’s the last time you saw a crew cut or a ponytail throw like that?”

Added Ron Gardenhire’s Goatee: “Mullet threw the ball well. That’s what we were looking for out of Mr. Ponson and his hair in 2007. If he keeps throwing strikes, letting his fielders make plays, staying away from razors and scissors … Mullet will be just fine this season.”

After Monday’s performance, Mullet fielded calls of congratulations from ESPN hockey analyst Barry Melrose, former Phillies reliever Mitch Williams and actor Lorenzo Lamas.

Well, he’s at it again, Twins fans. The man penciled in as the team’s No. 2 starter, aka The Silva Bullet, got shelled by the powerhouse offense that is the Pittsburgh Pirates today.

What will it take for Terry Ryan and Gardy to give up on this guy?!?

Silva was rocked for 11 hits and nine runs in just 3.1 innings of work. Pittsburgh’s Brad Eldred nearly put a hole in the Hammond Stadium scoreboard with a 500 foot homer that luckily for Lee County Sports Complex officials went OVER the scoreboard in dead center field.

The Twins could have been free of this constantly-struggling hurler this past winter, but willingly exercised an option in his contract to keep him around! So Silva gets millions more in 2007 for essentially being of little other value than keeping Johan Santana (his best pal on the Twins) happy between starts.

It is a crime, a travesty, an injustice and a fraud that The Silva Bullet is going to be allowed to break camp with this team when young stud SPs like Matt Garza, Glen Perkins and even Kevin Slowey have all shown more talent, control, patience and potential than this stiff. More than anything, how can Garza, who proved himself at the MLB level during the heat of the 2006 pennant race and has nothing left to prove at Triple A, be jettisoned to the minors in favor of a guy who forces fans in the bleachers to don body armor every time he starts?

And if Gardy even tries to trot out his, “Yeah, but he threw the ball well…” line this time – how well can you be throwing when a team racks up 11 hits and nine runs in less than four innings?

Once upon a time, Silva had a decent season. Once upon a time, he had a good sinker. Once upon a time, the Twins had no starting pitching depth.

But with an everyday lineup that includes the AL MVP and AL Batting Champion and a rotation anchored by the 2-time AL Cy Young Winner, the Twins cannot afford Silva’s shenanigans again in 2007.

Still, I suspect we’ll have to suffer through at least half a dozen medicore/horrible starts that will cost the Twins plenty of early wins before Gardy and Ryan can finally pull the plug and do what they should have all along – put Garza in the rotation.

If the season started today – and it starts in like 8 days! – I’d have a rotation that goes like this:

No. 1 – Santana
No. 2 – Ortiz
No. 3 – Boof
No. 4 – Garza
No. 5 – Ponson

And I’d have Silva on the next bus to Salt Lake City, Red Wing or wherever else fallen Major Leaguers go to idle away…

Recent musings from our 3-year-old wunderkind:
“Dad, I don’t want you eating Chipolte anymore, because it makes you toot stinky!”
“I don’t like anybody!” (Said while on a walk around the neighborhood & in reaction to being dog tired/sick with cold)
“Wah-wah-wah” (imitating my laugh track noise)
“Daddy, you need a time out!”
“But he likes it!” (after shaking his 7-month-old brother back and forth as hard as he could while Alex was strapped into his car seat carrier. To Jake’s defense, Alex was laughing pretty hard.)
“I’m Mr. Adorable.”
“My bottom hurts because the car seat … the van hits bumps in the road and the car seat bumps and hurts my bottom!”
“Sweetness-Preakness-is-my-weakness!” (copying a saying I keep alive from 7th grade)
“I’m being naughty!” (while doing something naughty)
“I don’t like you! I … HATE … STUPID … uh … I’m being naughty!“
“Go Twins!”
“Awesome! Sweet! Mint!” (again, a 7th grade saying of mine that lives on)
“I love you.”

Or, make that leg. Joltin’ Joe Mauer apparently has a precursor to a stress fracture in his left leg. (Insert panic alarms, sirens, screams of terror)
… BUT! …

Apparently Joe is going to be OK. (Insert sighs, birds resuming chirping, etc.)

Or will he?

Sounds like he’ll be fine, and Terry Ryan took the unusual step of praising a player for reporting an injury. Alas, after the Liriano fiasco last season, the Twins are taking no chances. They don’t want somebody trying to be a tough guy, especially not The Face of the Franchise.

Deep breaths, people.

Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean …

The Gophers hired Tubby Smith! The whole state is buzzing right now. The Twin Cities media literally raced out to the airport, filmed his private jet landing, filmed him leaving the airport, raced to the U of M campus, filmed him getting out of his car … Tubby, Tubby, Tubby!
I am still in shock. Nobody saw this coming, and if they say they did they’re lying. My friend Brad Schwie said it best – Tubby Smith is like Clem Haskins with class. I cannot wait to see him turn this program around and into a perennial Big 10 powerhouse. Granted, he’s literally starting with nothing in terms of talent (except for McKenzie), but it should be fun to watch Tubby build this team into something special for years to come. I am anxious to hear his reasoning/rationale for coming to Minnesota – I think most of the state is as stunned as everybody else that Tubby Smith – yeah, that Tubby Smith – is going to coach YOUR Minnesota Golden Gophers.

Somebody pinch me.

Was doing a radio interview with Doug Stirling of HCT Radio out of Philadelphia last night and he asked how the Twins manage to stay so competitive year after year despite not spending the big bucks. Well, the secret is (drum roll, please) … the best General Manager (Terry Ryan) and Scouting Department and Minor League System in all of MLB. Johan Santana? Rule V draft pick the Twins stole from the Astros for a $1 transaction fee. (No word if Pohlad had to approve spending $1.00, but I wouldn’t put it past him!) Justin Morneau? The Twins scout Canada, eh, and pluck guys like Morneau and Koskie out of the hinterlands all the time.
Now the Twins have completely overstocked their roster with talented young pitchers – Matt Garza, Boof Bonser, Glen Perkins (pictured in this post), Kevin Slowey, to name four – to the point where the starting rotation suddenly doesn’t look quite so scary anymore. The only scary thing right now is Sidney Ponson’s mullet.

Here’s what Gardy is talking about for a probable starting rotation to open the season:
LHP Johan Santana
RHP Carlos Silva (Bullet)
RHP Ramon Ortiz
RHP Sidney Ponson
RHP Boof Bonser

Now, my only problem is this – what if Silva stinks again and Ponson doesn’t look anywhere near his 2003 form (17 wins)? I just hope Gardy and TR are quick to pull the plug on any veteran retreads (re: Silva, Ponson, Ortiz) who go Tony Batista on the bit in ’07.

The Minnesota Nice in all of this is that the Triple A club is going to be stocked with starters, led by Garza, who should be in the rotation; Perkins, a nasty lefty who also should probably be in the rotation right now and Slowey, a Brad Radke clone who just needs some seasoning.

The future’s so bright, we gotta wear shades.

And how about that Opending Day lineup for YOUR Minnesota Twins?

1B Justin Morneau
2B Luis Castillo
3B Nick Punto
SS Jason Bartlett
C Joe Mauer
LF Rondell White
CF Torii Hunter
RF Michael Cuddyer
DH Jason Kubel

Plenty of power, speed and piranha in that lineup!

Saw these guys on Sunday night at the Target Center in Minneapolis and reviewed the show for a local newspaper here. I’ve done more than 250 concert reviews for the St. Paul Pioneer Press newspaper since 2001 and this is easily a top 3 performance, right up there with Clapton, Santana and a few others that I’ll never forget. The Newsboys put on a show that … well, wow. The review was only around 450 words and can’t do it justice, but I tried anyway. Do yourself a favor: Go to iTunes right now and buy “Whever We Go” off their new album “Go.” It will be the funnest 99 cents you ever spent! Here’s the review:

By John Nemo

Special to the Pioneer Press

Every contemporary Christian artist currently on tour in the
United States should be required to attend a Newsboys concert as soon as
possible and take copious notes. Because Sunday night’s spectacle before a sellout
crowd of 8,124 inside downtown Minneapolis’ Target Center and its half-arena
setup was part U2 concert, part Blue Man Group performance and above all a
flawless rock show paced to perfection.

Beginning the evening standing behind gigantic white screens
that revealed the shadowed, larger-than-life silhouettes of band members Duncan
Phillips, Peter Furler, Jeff Frankenstein and Paul Colman, the Newsboys
injected an incredible, transcendent amount of energy and passion into the
cavernous basketball arena with their opening number, “Shine.”

The band, formed by Australian native Furler and three
friends in 1985, has, despite several lineup changes, become one of the most
popular and best-selling Christian groups ever. That’s due to a combination of
radio hits like “He Reigns,” “Let It Rain,” and “It Is You” along with
legendary live performances.

Sunday night was no exception. On a stage with six gigantic
video screens, hundreds of flashing colored lights and a long catwalk that
extended halfway into the audience, the Newsboys were at the top of their game
with the thumping, pumping pop rock from their latest album, 2006’s “Go.”

While the music had arms waving and bodies jumping, the
visual spectacle – complete with video production of the band members as they
performed that would make an MTV producer jealous – was equally entertaining.
The set’s pacing was perfect, from high-octane performances like “Wherever We
Go,” “Blessed Be Your Name” and “He Reigns” to a mellower, “old school” medley
by lead singer Furler and keyboardist Frankenstein in the middle of the
90-minute set to a closing encore that included a drum-off for the ages.

During the slower, soulful section of the show, Furler gave
a powerful testimony of his faith in Jesus Christ that was blended seamlessly
between songs, never losing the concert’s momentum despite some quiet moments
of reflection and prayer.

Things cranked back up with more fast-paced pop rock and
visual fireworks, including a finish that had drummer Phillips rotating in
circles at a 90 degree angle on a rising, spinning platform. At the same time,
Furler stood halfway across the arena on the catwalk, blasting away on his own
percussion kit, then suddenly rising more than 20 feet above the stunned
audience while he and Phillips ripped into a dual drum solo.

When it was done, an exhausted, exhilarated audience shook
the Target Center to its foundations with thunderous applause, and the
Newsboys’ lesson in contemporary Christian Rock Concerts 101 was complete.

It’s one thing to have a hot spring, but does Sosa really have anything left in the tank? Won’t he wilt under that Arlington sun in the mid-summer boilers the Rangers play?

All the talk right now is about Sosa being a no-brainer to make the Rangers, which obviously he will. What do people think? More interesting, how Geritol would it be of Texas to have a starting outfield comprising of soon-to-be 40-year-old Kenny Lofton and 38-year-old Sosa? The Rangers better invest in some Larks to shuttle those geezers back and forth between innings…

Did you see what Barry Zito said about “sticking up” for poor old Barry Bonds, his new teammate? If so, you can join me in vomiting into the nearest garbage can. I mean, are you kidding me? Check out Zito:
“I’m certainly going to protect Barry,” Zito said. “I know all these beat writers. With me there, they won’t be able to attack him as they would if they had Barry alone. They know they may have to answer to me, or might feel repercussions regarding interviews now. If he wanted me to blackball somebody, I’d probably do it.“

Barry Zito officially claims the title as dumbest millionaire alive. The guy with a mediocre 41-34 record the past three seasons gets a $126 million deal. Fine. Baseball owners have long been their own worst enemies with these ridiculous contracts and lack of a salary cap. It happens every season.

But to defend Barry Bonds? I mean, Barry Bonds? And to act like the media is just trying to pick on Bonds, he of the federal investigations/perjury/juicing/egomania/throwing teammates under the bus/don’t sit in my recliner???

Maybe Zito has his “Barrys” confused and thinks his new teammate is Barry Manilow, not Barry Bonds, perhaps the biggest cheater/liar/malcontent/egomaniac/tainted figure MLB has ever known.

Do Zito and Bonds really expect MLB fans and observers to buy this line of “Us against that wretched media” line anywhere but in San Fran, where all sins are forgiven as long as you keep hitting homers?

And how about the rest of the story talking about how Bonds now has another Prima Donna to split like 6 empty lockers and a corner of the clubhouse with. Disgusting. Those two are made for each other.

You would never see Johan Santana and Joe Mauer or Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera pulling such shenanigans.

What’s next? Will Zito come up with new scientific proof that Bonds’ head blowing up like a balloon and his feet growing like 2 shoe sizes in his late 30s/early 40s was NOT the result of taking illegal drugs?

How can people actually root for these buffoons?

How baseball manages to suffer such fools and still maintain an iota of integrity is a testament to just how much bigger the game truly is than any one (or two) idiots who happen to play it.